Recent Physical & Emotional Injuries

I would be lying to you and myself if I said I was fine. It’s been a long five and a half months on the road. The initial joy I had bouncing from city to city chasing the dreams of professional tennis subsided a month ago and since it felt more like a grind than anything. Since Grace visited me in March, waking up with the same intrinsic motivation to improve has slowly dissipated without much desire to do anything other than play tennis, workout, and eat. When I first started feeling this way, it came in waves. An afternoon here, an evening there, I noticed the occurrence of my melancholy steadily increasing. Over the last week, these emotions seem to have absorbed into my physical body.

Last week during my tournament in Portugal, I suffered a strained groin in my fourth match of the week. I was able to adjust my movement and footwork to accommodate my injury and finish out the tournament along with my club match on Sunday. A long stretch of losses, eight to be exact, ended when I won both my singles and doubles matches for my club team. Fortunately, the club match was on hard court, and I could bypass my groin strain with calculated movements by playing closer to the baseline and taking the ball on the rise. With still no days of rest, I travelled to the south of France where I competed in another tournament, this week on outdoor clay. I felt no pain in my groin and things seemed to be trending upwards until early in my first match I reaggravated my groin sliding into a shot. My movement compromised, I finished out the match in the windiest conditions I’ve faced in recent memory and went back to recover for the next day’s match. That evening, the pain began to spread across my body from one joint to the next. All the small aches and pains felt heightened, and I contemplated whether I should play the next day as my whole body hurt just from getting out of bed.

The next morning, I mustered up the strength to get prepared for my match, but in less than two games into the match I knew I was far from healthy. I lost a closely contested first set by playing high risk tennis, keeping the points short and physicality low, however following the change of ends everything started to tighten up. My groin, hip, back, neck… it was all stiff and I knew it was time to pull the plug. Making the decision to withdraw from the tournament was hard mentally, but I knew it was the right decision for my body, and mind.

I limped my way to the beach that evening and found myself sitting there amongst the waves and dark cloudy sky feeling empty. Physical pain was obvious, but emotional pain was certain. I dread this feeling of burnout and the toll it takes on my body and mind. Recently, my routines have lulled my mind into numbness. All the positive habits and routines I’ve established have continued to prepare me for matches, but I’ve failed to act upon the emotional signs of needing a break. And now that my body is asking for a break, it’s clear my mind needs one too.

Maybe it was the mental exhaustion I felt last week in Portugal after losing my third consecutive 3^rd set match in a row, maybe it is the time and distance from my family, maybe it’s the lack of having fun and going out with friends. It seems clear that I need my family around me and I cannot wait for their arrival tomorrow. I’ve been looking forward to them visiting me here in Paris for over a month and it’s all I can think about.